One of the best things about riding a bike is that it's possible to dress up in spandex every day and get away with it. It looks like exercise, but deep down, buried in a place most cyclists don't acknowledge, it feels good too. Sounds kinky, and it probably is.
Let's dig into this thought. Keep reading and there's a picture reward for those who make the end rather than click back in disgust.
Basically my day starts in the same way as it does for thousands of other marginally overweight family men just north of 40. Something like this.
Get up, fart, scratch nuts, fart again, clean teeth, half heartedly make the bed, all the regular man things that must be done before heading down stairs.
Head to the utility room come play room. Step on random pieces of sharp pointy toys, namely lego and wish out aloud that it was more utility room and less play room.
It's at this point where most men on their way to work grab a shirt, put it on, inhale a cup of coffee and head off to the station or bus stop with all the other lemmings.
Not in our house. From Janeywife I get a wry smile. She knows that instead of the clean shirt making it onto my back, it gets folded into a rucksack before I dive into the special green box that contains the cycling super suits.
You're right in asking, WTF is a cycling super suit? (Dad - go look up WTF online as an acronym - first you'll be disgusted, then I know you'll be using it in a couple of days yourself, recollect how YouPorn played out?)
A cycling super suit isn't your regular bit of lyrca branded spandex.
Oh No.
A cycling super suit is a strong look. Matching colors to the bike are the only way forward, red, black and white obligatory. No deviation allowed.
A Nike dri-fit top hides the bib top which effectively makes the leggings into a one piece. By the time I'm ready to leave I'm wrapped in a stretchy, skin tight one piece, making me into the equivalent of a bicycling burrito.
Add matching white Italian cycling shoes that sound like tap shoes when being walked across hard surfaces, gloves, a do-rag with flames on it, cycling helmet and orange lensed bono style light amplification glasses with white frames and you've something half way in between a prize penis and the Tour de France.
What purpose does a cycling super suit serve?
It's simple. A strong look yields a strong feeling. Feel strong, ride fast. Ride fast and get to Paris quicker. Quicker to Paris, happier sponsors and more time for some Mille six cent soixante-quatre on the Champs Elysees.
By the time I tap dance my way out of the house in the morning, looking like a black ballet ninja I've got the whole household behind me wishing me a safe journey. And sniggering.
And the best bit, I'm not alone. There are many many middle aged men clad in lycra out there, just not all of them have cycling super suits.
The one's that do are the ones that race route commute, sprinting to work, riding as fast as possible, and I'm now one of them. After spending long enough being overtaken by fat girls on mountain bikes whilst getting fit, I've got the physical strength to match the wardrobe strength.
And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's brilliant.
ps. If you'd like to donate, please use this link and flag that it's for me. If you see me, wave, and then shout TOSSER!
Thanks. http://www.justgiving.com/GoogleDuchenne
Let's dig into this thought. Keep reading and there's a picture reward for those who make the end rather than click back in disgust.
Basically my day starts in the same way as it does for thousands of other marginally overweight family men just north of 40. Something like this.
Get up, fart, scratch nuts, fart again, clean teeth, half heartedly make the bed, all the regular man things that must be done before heading down stairs.
Head to the utility room come play room. Step on random pieces of sharp pointy toys, namely lego and wish out aloud that it was more utility room and less play room.
It's at this point where most men on their way to work grab a shirt, put it on, inhale a cup of coffee and head off to the station or bus stop with all the other lemmings.
Not in our house. From Janeywife I get a wry smile. She knows that instead of the clean shirt making it onto my back, it gets folded into a rucksack before I dive into the special green box that contains the cycling super suits.
You're right in asking, WTF is a cycling super suit? (Dad - go look up WTF online as an acronym - first you'll be disgusted, then I know you'll be using it in a couple of days yourself, recollect how YouPorn played out?)
A cycling super suit isn't your regular bit of lyrca branded spandex.
Oh No.
A cycling super suit is a strong look. Matching colors to the bike are the only way forward, red, black and white obligatory. No deviation allowed.
A Nike dri-fit top hides the bib top which effectively makes the leggings into a one piece. By the time I'm ready to leave I'm wrapped in a stretchy, skin tight one piece, making me into the equivalent of a bicycling burrito.
Add matching white Italian cycling shoes that sound like tap shoes when being walked across hard surfaces, gloves, a do-rag with flames on it, cycling helmet and orange lensed bono style light amplification glasses with white frames and you've something half way in between a prize penis and the Tour de France.
What purpose does a cycling super suit serve?
It's simple. A strong look yields a strong feeling. Feel strong, ride fast. Ride fast and get to Paris quicker. Quicker to Paris, happier sponsors and more time for some Mille six cent soixante-quatre on the Champs Elysees.
By the time I tap dance my way out of the house in the morning, looking like a black ballet ninja I've got the whole household behind me wishing me a safe journey. And sniggering.
And the best bit, I'm not alone. There are many many middle aged men clad in lycra out there, just not all of them have cycling super suits.
The one's that do are the ones that race route commute, sprinting to work, riding as fast as possible, and I'm now one of them. After spending long enough being overtaken by fat girls on mountain bikes whilst getting fit, I've got the physical strength to match the wardrobe strength.
And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's brilliant.
ps. If you'd like to donate, please use this link and flag that it's for me. If you see me, wave, and then shout TOSSER!
Thanks. http://www.justgiving.com/GoogleDuchenne
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